Dear Rocker Stalker,
I’ve recently found myself stuck between a rock and a terrible place. I fell hard for a guy/friend that is a member of one of my favorite bands. Long, pathetic, story short, things did not go as well as I had fabricated in my head. I still want to support and show love for this band that I love dearly, but I cannot shake the ill will feeling towards him. I’m afraid these cancerous thoughts might spread to the group, or in the very least create a very uncomfortable atmosphere at any of their future rock shows. I’m also noticing now that I tend to gravitate towards rebel, rocker types and worry I will travel down that same rocky road again. Am I setting myself up for eternal heartbreak by mingling amongst musicians???
HELP!
-Grieving Groupie
Dear Grieving Groupie,
Let me first say, I know how much it can suck to be in your position, and I’m sorry you have to endure such emotional hardship. However, it’s not a huge shocker, since it seems to be the bane of most girls’ existences to gravitate towards bad boy/rocker types.
I’ll address your situation in two parts.
First, about the potential tension between you , him, and the rest of his band: I think some time apart will allow you and him to think about what happened, and allow you, especially, to repair your heart. I can’t give you an exact length of “grieving” time, but in the meantime, try to focus on things that make YOU happy and spend time with family and friends to offset your pain. You may realize all this worry about him was dragging you down! I wouldn’t deter you completely from going to the band’s shows if you love their music enough and you’re close enough to the other members. I highly doubt the rest of them will hold anything against you since they probably don’t live vicariously through each other, and each has an independent relationship with you. However, in order to face the situation, you need to be confident in your emotional stability. Make sure you have some support with you. Try to enjoy the music for the music, the initial reason you became involved in the first place.
Second, in response to your fear of running down the same path after a “rebel rocker:” it’s a perfectly reasonable fear for anyone who’s been hurt by that type before. It’s difficult in our times and locations to avoid that type of guy since EVERYONE seems to be in a band these days, but try to look for love in other places, outside of concerts and bars. And, think about it. I hate to be stereotypical, but a serious musician is married to his music. Real life romance will probably come second for a LONG time until he becomes successful or realizes the current music market is just too tough. Do you really want to spend your days begging for his time, or wondering when he’ll re-prioritize? I’m sure you have a lot of patience, but be fair to yourself and search for someone who actively pursues you and wants to make time for you.
I know “love hurts,” but you seem like a very forgiving girl with a lot of love to offer, so don’t give up! I hope this helps. Get back out there, and rock a different guy’s world!
R&R,
RS
Rocker Stalker 