Rocker Stalker

Dear Rocker Stalker,

I was in bands for about 10 years… a solo artist, a keyboardist in a South Florida band, and a lead singer and songwriter in a touring band.

I moved to New York three years ago and have only played one show (a reunion with one of my old bands) and have only recorded one song since I moved here. I find that it is extremely difficult to harvest my own creativity in a city where there is both brilliance and bullshit in every corner.

I really want to move- but do you think that the lack of creativity is just part of growing up or do you think that if I moved somewhere a little slower paced with a little more space I could find myself playing music again? I feel like New York has made me super jaded and every time I  sit down to play music I just become frustrated.

Help! Is it just me or does New York suck a lot?
Dear Maybe Mover,

Sorry I had to give you a cheesy alias…Anyway, to move or not to move? That is a TOUGH question! I’ve encountered several talented, artistic individuals who, like you, are fed up with NY’s pressured, fast-paced, overly-competitive environment, so you’re not alone in your desire to seek shelter from the sucky storm. My feelings about this are many fold, just like your reasoning for relocating.   If it’s merely the city’s attitude and claustrophobia at the roots of your dilemma, then of course, find another locale that suits your needs and does you well.  You may not want to uproot your New York foundation completely or immediately, especially if you have other jobs or projects brewing in the city, but make sure you’re SUPER clear on the cause(s) of your frustration. As for your perceived “lack of creativity,” it may be a phase, as you alluded, and you can either wait for it to possibly pass or take a chance and change your surroundings. OR, perhaps you can meet up with your old band for more renunion shows, collaborate with local musicians who are on the same page as you, or take an extended vacation to a more relaxed atmosphere to jam/write  and get your creative juices flowing again? The process for making your ultimate decision may take a little more time and some steps, but I think if you focus on your efforts and creativity, the “bullshit” that is raining on your parade may dissipate.

Best of luck with whatever you decide! I salute you, fellow lady of rock!

Ex’s and Oh’s.
RS

Dear Rocker Stalker,
I’ve recently found myself stuck between a rock and a terrible place.  I fell hard for a guy/friend that is a member of one of my favorite bands. Long, pathetic, story short, things did not go as well as I had fabricated in my head. I still want to support and show love for this band that I love dearly, but I cannot shake the ill will feeling towards him. I’m afraid these cancerous thoughts might spread to the group, or in the very least create a very uncomfortable atmosphere at any of their future rock shows. I’m also noticing now that I tend to gravitate towards rebel, rocker types and worry I will travel down that same rocky road again. Am I setting myself up for eternal heartbreak by mingling amongst musicians???
HELP!
-Grieving Groupie

Dear Grieving Groupie,

Let me first say, I know how much it can suck to be in your position, and I’m sorry you have to endure such emotional hardship. However, it’s not a huge shocker, since it seems to be  the bane of most girls’ existences to gravitate towards bad boy/rocker types.

I’ll address your situation in two parts.

First, about the potential tension between you , him, and the rest of his band: I think some time apart will allow you and him to think about what happened,  and allow you, especially, to repair your heart. I can’t give you an exact length of  “grieving” time, but in the meantime, try to focus on things that make YOU happy and spend time with family and friends to offset your pain. You may realize all this worry about him was dragging you down! I wouldn’t deter you completely from going to the band’s shows if you love their music enough and you’re close enough to the other members. I highly doubt the rest of them will hold anything against you since  they probably don’t live vicariously through each other, and each has an independent relationship with you.  However, in order to face the situation, you need to be confident in your emotional stability. Make sure you have some support with you. Try to enjoy the music for the music, the initial reason you became involved in the first place.

Second, in response to your fear of running down the same path after a “rebel rocker:” it’s  a perfectly reasonable fear for anyone who’s been hurt by that type before. It’s difficult in our times and locations to avoid that type of guy since EVERYONE seems to be in a band these days, but try to look for love in other places, outside of concerts and bars. And, think about it. I hate to be stereotypical, but a serious musician is married to his music. Real life romance will probably come second for a LONG time until he becomes successful or realizes the current music market is just too tough.  Do you really want to spend your days begging for his time, or wondering when he’ll re-prioritize? I’m sure you have a lot of patience, but be fair to yourself and search for someone who actively pursues you and wants to make time for you.

I know “love hurts,” but you seem like a very forgiving girl with a lot of love to offer, so don’t give up! I hope this helps. Get back out there, and rock a different guy’s world!

R&R,

RS

Dear RockerStalker,

A writter/blogger posted a horrible review of my music on their site!  Although we put our music out for everyone to hear, we figured since it’s so good, everyone would like it unconditionally . . .

Basically, they said a meanie and made us feel bad.  Our mothers tried to make us feel better by telling us how special we were, but those words are etched in our brains!

Can we sue?

Thanks Rocker Stalker!
Lucious Lovenode

Dear Lucious Lovenode,

I’m sorry about your hurt feelings, and I’m sure your mothers truly believe that you are special. To be perfectly honest, I’m not  100% sure about a lawsuit. I’m no  lawyer, but you probably can’t sue, at least not successfully.  Something can only be considered slander if your lives have been altered significantly in harmful ways, and you have enough evidence to demonstrate that you’re unable to function normally, that your income has been hurt substantially, you’re suicidal, etc.  Otherwise, if this blogger is a nobody  (like yours truly), or he/she writes merely as a hobby (like yours truly), it’s probably not a big deal if something negative was said about you. The web is a BIG space with plenty of other opportunities to receive positive feedback about your music. Does ONE comment or review really override everything positive you’ve ever heard about your band? Keep up your hard work and do what YOU believe in, and if one reviewer doesn’t like it, it’s not the end of the world. It’s probably a better idea to get famous, show the blogger you actually do rule, and brush off the bad review as a typical step in your careers.

Rock and roll,

RS